4 words: hood of his car
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
