now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
