Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
