Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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