Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
