Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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