You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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