I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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