OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
