Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
