Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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