I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
