I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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