you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize