I swear god or herbie drove my car home
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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