Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
