I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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