final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
