My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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