I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
