He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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