ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
