White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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