Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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