Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
