Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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