it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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