He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
