I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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