i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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