There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
