Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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