but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
