Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone signed my nipple.
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