Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
