I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
