1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
