Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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