Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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