ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He better not be in your backpack
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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