dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
