You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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