hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
