dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
