The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How naked do you want me to be?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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