I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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