Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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