its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sext me about skeletons
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
