A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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