So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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