she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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