I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
