Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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