Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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