i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
