she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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