My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am mentally ready for anal.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
