That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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