i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
