Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
