Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
