he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
