Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
