Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
