My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
