I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize