I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
