He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
