im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
