this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize